Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
