it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
