It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So vagazzling was a success
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
