College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
