Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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