Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
