So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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