we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
