I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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