Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
