dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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