She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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