she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
