So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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