fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I understand Curling. That high.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
