dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
