Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
