I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
