Nicole vs. Life
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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