I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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