hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
