If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
