In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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