Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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