Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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