Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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