If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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