I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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