Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
