you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
