What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
