I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
