My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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