How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
