so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
