Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
