So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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