So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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