he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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