The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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