I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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