you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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