I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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