Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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