forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
