how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
