I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
