he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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