did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
