we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
