Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
